Nineties Catch Phrase Cento Sonnet
Let me clear my throat, Sugar Ray. Back in the day,
I would walk five hundred miles just to grab some biscuits.
No diggity, Joe Camel. Now I’m just a Frasier Furby on Viagra,
Way too single-white-female for one libido to tick-tock ya don’t stop or
Collaborate and lambada with wolves. No diggity. I’ve got psychic friend networks
In low places. But still. Damn it feels good to be a Rugrat,
To be Lord of the Kato Dance, breaking free from the chains
To hold on for one more quid pro quo Clarisse. East coast or west coast,
Brandon or Dylan, Rachel or Monica, Michael Bolton or Unabomber,
Cop Killer or American Gladiator, I’m stuck in the past with how we did it,
You Hemp Rope Leprechaun. There’s no Crying Game endings in baseball
And there’s no Rico Suave off to never ever land.
Everything we do we did it for you, fanny packs and all.
We’ve got a John Tesh bomb on this bus, so word to our mothers.
Source & Method
Note-taking during every episode of “I Love the ’90s” and “I Love the ’90s: Part Deux,” writing down every catchphrase, segment topic, and famous quotes, which were then cut up, swapped out, and rearranged for maximum ’90s effect.
Daniel Nester is the author most recently of Harsh Realm: My 1990s, a collection of poetry and prose poems coming soon from Indolent Books. He edits Pine Hills Review, the online literary journal of The College of Saint Rose, where he is also a professor of English.