page from the author’s grief journal at age 5
LISTS FROM GRIEF COUNSELING JOURNAL, 1993
Things That Make Me Sad
Papa’s dead, Grandma’s dead
Papa & Grandma are together in heaven,
same grave,
headstone
says “Mom & Dad”
Things That Make Me Mad
when I get yelled at
when I’m sick
Things That Make Me Glad
I love
I love
I like
I’m glad
I love
Write a Story
they both had cancer
they both died
the end
Write a Story about Christmas
we woke up in the morning and we looked in our stockings
we opened our presents
we looked in our stockings some more
Write a Memory
they love me too
Write a Story
here’s something:
we used to eat macaroni every day
I had a birthday cake in the hospital
a dinosaur cake
Write a Story about When You Are a Teenager
I’ll be taller
go to high school
drive
get a job at the zoo
Parting Gifts
Grandma taught me
spaghetti and meatballs
and chestnuts
we used to open the shells, eat the chestnuts
sometimes I helped
Papa took the shell off
Papa taught me how to take the shell off
(he started them for me)
I put them on the tray
to cook
A Story about Spring
Source & Method
When I was around five, three of my grandparents died. I recently found the journal my mom and I completed for a hospice-recommended grief counseling program. I rearranged the prompts and my answers (transcribed by my mom) to try to explore how a child might navigate grief.
Emily Costa teaches college freshmen. Her writing can be found in Hobart, Barrelhouse, The RS 500, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and Memoir Mixtapes.